


hold me close (and don't let me go)

by bobawwx



Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Lots of Crying, M/M, Soft Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, its actually very soft, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 06:53:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30085155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobawwx/pseuds/bobawwx
Summary: wei wuxian just wants to be taken care of.
Relationships: Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian
Kudos: 22





	hold me close (and don't let me go)

wei wuxian is tired.

that’s the easiest way to put it.

he’s simply tired, exhausted and most of all, _frustrated_.

the situation is rather unusual.

it isn’t everyday that he feels like this, like he’s got absolutely no motivation to get out of bed, work, or do anything at all. the amount of assignments he’s got to submit (in barely enough time) only seems to keep piling up, and everyday seems to be the the same.

it’s become a routine.

it’s become mundane.

the only thing he remembers he’s been doing is completing school work, attending his classes and eating.

wei wuxian considers sleep to be almost non-existent at this point.

and to top it all off, there’s something that’s been constantly bugging him. it’s been gnawing at his subconscious mind for quite a while now, but every time it presents itself, he pushes it away, trying his best not to brood about it too much.

_t_ he problem might, to some people, seem trivial, but it isn’t to him. especially not when he’s just so used to bottling up his emotions, never once giving in to them, because ultimately, to him, it seems stupid. annoying. a silly idea that’s best forgotten about.

see, he’s _lonely._

he just wants to be loved.

he wants some kind of affection.

it might seem stupid to some, but it’s been taking a toll on the boy.

he’s exasperated, drained of any energy, and all he wants is for someone to reassure him, tell him that it’s okay to take a break, to hold him close and be there for him.

someone to catch him when he feels like he’s falling.

and as simple as it may seem to just go to someone, ask them for cuddles, a hug, words of encouragement, _something_ , wei wuxian can’t bring himself to do it. and he hates it. there’s this feeling he’s got, that maybe, just maybe, he’s being too clingy. whiny. attention-seeking.

that, at the end, whoever did like him would only think that he’s nothing but an irritating person who’s too annoying to even talk to.

he doesn’t want that.

so he just bears it, sitting locked up in his room for most part of the day, coming out only to grab some snacks or get some water.

more often than not, every are occasion that he comes out of his room, his roommate, lan wangji — who also happens to be one of his(albeit not close) friends — throws him a look, one which wei wuxian can’t seem to discern, no matter how much he tries.

he’s too difficult to read.

but at at the end,, wei wuxian doesn’t pay any heed to it.

he just gives short answers to the questions he’s asked by him and turns around to go back to his haven.

today, though, there’s something different.

and it’s weighing heavy in his chest, egging him onto the brink where he’s only a little way from breaking.

he tries to distract himself.

he tries working on his seemingly never-ending music assignments, watching long winded youtube videos and movies, going for walks, everything.

but it isn’t enough.

finally, after all the failed attempts, when he’s back home, hair wet and body soaked in the rain that had unexpectedly started pouring a few minutes ago that day, he’s met with the sight of his roommate seated at the dining table, hands curled around a mug as he takes a small sip of the tea inside it.

he doesn’t want to do what he does next, he tries to just go back to his room quietly without attracting any attention at all, but the words slip past his lips before he can even make out what he’s going to say.

“lan zhan—?”

the said boy raises his eyes to look at the other standing by the closed door, drenched in water and mud.

“wei ying,”

in a minute, he’s by his side, hands wrapped around his trembling shoulders.

“wei ying, what’s wrong?”

and that’s all it takes for the shorter of the two to completely break down, sobs wracking his comparatively smaller body as he tries to calm himself down.

everything suddenly feels too overwhelming. he’s been hoping someone would just reach out to him and ask him if he’s alright but now that it’s all finally happening, it’s almost suffocating.

he inhales shakily, but before he could even think of apologizing and running to the safety his room and locking himself away, another cry escapes his now swollen lips.

“i’m— i’m sorry i just—”

“hey. hey, it’s alright. try to breathe, wei ying,” lan wangji says softly, breathing deeply himself so as to guide the other boy. “just repeat after me, okay?”

wei wuxian can only nod at that as he repeats his friend’s actions.

and after a good five to ten minutes, he’s finally able to breathe properly.

he’s still sniffling a little, though, not only because of all the events that had happened, but also because he’s practically shivering from the rain he’d walked in sometime ago.

“oh,” lan wangji looks at him, not failing to notice the way he’s still shivering and the little sniffles he’s been letting out, before his eyes dart to the where wei wuxian’s room is located. “want to go to your room?”  
  
“okay,”

lan wangji gives wei wuxian a look of what he’d like to think is reassurance (as he can never really decipher what he’s thinking) and guides him to his room, sitting him down on the bed before going into his room to get a towel.

he takes a seat beside the still trembling boy and begins drying his hair.

it’s quiet, except for the occasional breaths wei wuxian huffs out in between.

lan wangji doesn’t mind it, just continues what he’s doing as carefully, as gently as he can.

he’d noticed his roommate’s recent behavior, alright. of course he had. how could he not,when wei wuxian, usually bright, cheerful and loud, began replying in short, curt sentences every time he’d ask him a question, which is, needless to say, completely unlike his usual self, how he’d immediately go back to his room without another word and stay there for heaven knows how long a day.

he doesn’t know what happened, or what changed, but he’s worried.

he misses the way he used to constantly bicker with him, randomly wake him up right before the break of dawn just to ask him to make somethingto eat, the way he’d nag him to come watch disney movies with him.

he misses wei wuxian’s loud, happy self and he’d been wanting to ask him what brought about the slow, initially subtle change that grew to the point where the boy barely even speaks to him anymore, but every time he’d try to start a conversation, the response was the same.

either he’d give him dry replies, lasting for barely fifteen minutes at the very least, or he’d simply ignore him, pretending to do something else.

during times when he’d finally get to ask him what’s bothering him, wei wuxian would only give him a small smile, followed by an ‘i’m fine, lan zhan'

and it hurt him — it still does, considering the way the boy’s shaking in his arms at the moment.

so lan wangji takes this chance.

he puts away the towel and sits beside him, before asking the shorter boy as gently as he can, “what’s wrong?”

wei wuxian looks up at him, but their gazes never meet.

lan wangji can see the way he’s considering what to say, what reply to give, although it lasted only for a moment.

“what do you mean, what’s wrong?” wei wuxian shrugs. “nothing’s wrong. i’m fine,”

lan wangj sighs at that. he should’ve expected it.

“no, i mean,” he takes in a deep breath, “i mean, the way you’ve been avoiding everyone, locking yourself up in your room for days altogether and barely coming out, the way you try dodging my questions, how you reply in short sentences and gestures, that’s — that’s so unlike yourself,”

once he’s finished, he closes his eyes shut for a short moment.

he doesn’t know what to expect.

he thinks wei wuxian’s going to give him a curt answer, maybe roll his eyes and ask him to get out of his room, or maybe even stay quiet, completely ignoring his question.

but when he opens his eyes once again, the response he receives is _so much_ different from what he’s been anticipating.

“lan zhan, i—i’m sorry” wei wuxian begins, and lan wangji looks at him, brows furrowed.

he was not expecting an apology.

he watches as wei wuxian tears his gaze away from him and instead chooses to stare at his hands, playing with his fingers.

“it’s just that i—i just—” he wants to continue, tell lan wangji what’s wrong, trust him, but it’s just _so hard_.

although the more ‘rational’ part of him is absolutely screaming at him to stop right there and run, push his friend out of his room, do anything, _anything_ at all except answer that question, there’s a small part of him that’s begging him to just say it, to let it all out because this entire bottling-up-your-emotions thing doesn’t seem to be working at all.

and this time, he listens.

he licks his lips, pushing his hair his hair away from his forehead before continuing,

“before i say anything, i know. i know this is stupid, okay?”

lan wangji wants to say something about how he’s sure it’s to stupid at all, but wei wuxian beats him to it.

“just — just listen. please,”

lan wangji nods, pressing his lips into a thin line.

“okay,”

“i know this is stupid — cringy — whatever you want to call it, but i can’t help it. this is stupid but the past few — weeks? months? has been rough, and — and honestly, i'm tired. i’m overwhelmed and exhausted, and i really— really want to be taken care of — to feel loved but —”

“but?”

lan wangji runs his hands through his hair and he almost — _almost_ leans into the touch, but moves away just as quickly.

he frowns.

y _ou’re supposed to tell him what’s wrong. he’s here to check up on you, and nothing more. stop hoping so much for something you’re still unsure about._

wei wuxian looks up, trying his best to blink away the tears he can feel are prickling at the corners of his eyes already.

“but to want that is — to want that is selfish. i don’t— i don’t wanna be clingy — or annoying, or attention-seeking. i don’t wanna be a burden to anyone but it’s — it’s just too much right now and—” his voice cracks at the end of the sentence, and before he knows it, he’s already choking on a soft sob that’s slipped past his lips.

there. he said it.

and by now, he doesn’t even know whether he should be scared or relieved about it.

doubts are flashing past his mind, coming up with every little thing that could possibly go wrong.

_what if he finds me stupid? what if he doesn’t even care, and he’s just messing with me ? what if he’s just going to leave him alone like this, hurt and crying? what if —_

“hey,”

wei wuxian doesn’t reply. just buries his face in his trembling hands, dreading what’s to come next.

he expects lan wangji scoff, to say something along the lines of ‘so you’re doing this for attention. is that it? you made me worry for _this_?’ even though he knows that he didn’t. he didn’t do it for attention, _attention_ didn’t even cross his mind. how could it, when his insecurity fear of being judged, of being proclaimed clingy and annoying by those he loves, is so much greater than the fact that he’s slowly, subtly, yet surely, breaking inside everyday.

but the response he receives is nothing like he’d been banking on.

“it’s alright. i don’t think it’s ‘cringy’ or stupid, and neither do i think it’s selfish to want to feel loved and taken care of,”

wei wuxian nods, just bobbing his head a little, unsure of what to come next.

“it’s perfectly valid, wei ying. and—” the shorter of the two can see the gears running inside his head, and it makes him bite his lips in what ? dread ? nervousness? he himself doesn’t know.

“— and if you need someone to…to — help you, you can always….you know— come to me….” he finishes, trails

and it takes him aback, causing him to widen his eyes before looking up at the man beside him.

“you — you mean that?”

lan wangji nods. “mn,”

wei wuxian almost breaks down, _again,_ at that, but for a completely different reason this time. something he can’t exactly put a finger on, but he loves it nonetheless.

he lets out a small happy noise — he can’t really think of what to say at that moment. he wants to thank him, to tell his roommate how much he appreciates his words, his actions, he can’t seem to say it.

so he just shuffles closer to him, lips tugging upwards to form a smile — and for the first time in weeks, it’s genuine.

lan wangji seems to know how he feels.

he too, returns the smile before bringing his hands up to the other’s face to wipe away a stray tear that’s just fallen from his eyes.

“you’re welcome,”lan wangji says, voice mellow, yet clear at the same time.

wei wuxian tilts his head.

_how’d he know?_

but then again, he isn’t complaining.

he simply giggles, and is about to ask him for a hug, but when he finally does snap out of his thoughts, lan wangji’s not sitting beside him like before. he’s not smiling at him, not running his long fingers through his wet, messy hair, he’s not even _there_.

wei wuxian thinks he’s dreaming.

he probably is.

he’s _obviously_ dreaming.

what’d he expect, anyway?

he sighs, trying to ignore the way his eyes are stinging with tears, and begins moving back up his bed, when suddenly, he feels someone pull him up.

“i’m here, wei ying,”

wei wuxian jolts in his place.

_oh._

he’s sitting on lan wangji’s lap.

_so it wasn’t a dream after all._

but before he can slip away and back into his thoughts, he’s lulled back to reality by his roommate.

“wei ying?”

it’s then that the shorter of the two realizes that the other had been calling out his name for quite sometime now.

he raises his head, shifting his gaze from his hands to lan wangji’s face.

he lets out a hum in response. “hm?”

“want cuddles?”

and wei wuxian absolutely _melts_.

“yes, please,”


End file.
